A documentary film maker and lecturer wandered in to Zipperfinch Lake the other day to elicit help from some of the residents to get his car out of an enormous snowdrift along the side of the road. He claimed to be snow blind and suffering from frost bite. His vehicle, once it had been removed from the drift, was found to have a leaking head gasket. The large late model SUV was towed to the local repair garage where Colin Crankcase, the local mechanic and zoning inspector, checked it over and agreed to repair it for a fee slightly less than his total net worth.

This left the stranger with nothing to do for a few hours so he told everyone he met that he wanted to give a lecture and to spread the word around town. He thought it strange that the citizenry insisted that the lecture be held at the Lakeside Bar and Grill but he readily agreed to it when he was told by Osgoode Smulch that if it was held anywhere else, no one would show up. It wasn't so much that the residents wanted to be enlightened by what he had to say but because they'd use any excuse to hold a town meeting to stave off the boredom.

The stranger began the lecture and introduced himself as Cal Bore. He explained that he was traveling around the country, warning people about climate change.

"Whoa, there," said Lefty Clayborne. "It may surprise you to know but we have climate change all year long."

Cal Bore cleared his throat. "Well, let me put it another way, we used to call it global warming so that's what I'll call it during our little talk here."

While squinting to see outside through the frost covered windows, more than a few of the residents moved to seats closer to the exits upon hearing this.

"The earth is definitely getting warmer," said Cal Bore, "and I have a documentary movie to prove it."

"Movie? Movie? We don't need no stinking movie," yelled Herb Hangover from the back of the room. Herb is the local game warden and he'd just returned from a ten mile patrol of the Zipperfinch River, looking for illegal trap lines. He was forced to conduct most of his trip on snowshoes because of the deep snow. He sat there in the tavern assuming that his calf muscles would never get back to normal and that his feet would never thaw out. He certainly didn't want to see some hack's film about how warm it was.

"Okay," said Cal Bore. "I'll just explain to you what is going on with the planet." He looked over at Mavis, the waitress, who was delivering a tray load of hot toddies to one of the tables." Would you mind if I deposited a few more logs in the fireplace before I begin?"

"Deposit whatever you want," said Mavis.

And deposit he did. Cal Bore stoked up the fire and began his lecture. It soon became apparent to everyone in attendance that what he was depositing was a load of something and it wasn't wood.

Ethel Rumor was the first to speak up. She was making a rare winter appearance in Zipperfinch Lake because her daughter Geraldine was taking part in a ski jumping contest being held in Houghton. "Are you trying to tell us that it's getting colder because it's getting warmer?" she said.

The crowd snickered throughout the room but this didn't deter Cal Bore. "Yes, I am saying that. You can see the correlations clearly if you understand the physics of weather patterns."

"And you do, I suppose," said Ethel.

"Not really," said Cal Bore, "but a scientist in England explained it to me."

A clamor arose from the audience but Cal Bore continued with his lecture only to be interrupted a few minutes later by Oscar Jones.

"What's that you said about polar bears?" asked Oscar.

"I said polar bears are endangered because of global warming," said Cal Bore.

Clive Jackpine, one of the few members of the audience with a college education, spoke up. "Isn't it true that the number of polar bears has increased dramatically in the last forty or fifty years?"

"Have you seen any polar bears?" sneered Cal Bore.

"He might be right," said Grandpa Dugan to no one in particular. "I ain't seen no polar bears. Course I ain't seen no elephants neither. Maybe the polar bears ate 'em."

Most of the people weren't taking Cal Bore very seriously anymore. There was one member of the crowd that was listening very intently to the lecture. He is an abominable snowman who'd caused quite a stir when he'd first made his presence known some time back but now the town had adopted him and considered him to be one of their own. He'd constructed a small dwelling for himself made out of tree limbs and pine boughs a short way back in the woods behind the Lakeside Bar and Grill.

Mr. Sasquatch, as he was called, had a worried look on his face as he listened to all the talk about global warming. It was only after Cal Bore warned of all the oceans rising twenty feet that a large grin swept across Mr. Sasquatch's face. He knew then that everything this guy was saying was pure fiction. The smile was still on his face as he grunted out another hot toddy order to Mavis.

It was at this point that people began to voice their disbelief more loudly.

"I'll pray for you," said Junior Gantry, the local preacher.

"You ain't nothin' but a hound dog," sang Elvis from a seat near the window. Elvis has lived in Zipperfinch Lake for years but he's getting pretty long in the tooth. His singing voice is going but he can still belt out an occasional line or two.

People were having so much fun ridiculing Cal Bore that they hadn't noticed that the worst blizzard in years had blown up outside an hour or so before. They only became aware of it when Carl Crankcase came stomping in through the door, brushing snow from his heavy coat.

Carl looked at Cal Bore and said, "Your car's ready but you're not going anywhere. All the roads are closed."

Cal Bore was crestfallen. "I've just finished my lecture and you're telling me I have to stay here?"

"Yup," answered Carl. "What was your talk about?"

"Global warming," answered Cal Bore.

"Uh huh" said Carl while flicking a small icicle from his beard. "Come on over to the garage and pay me. Then you can have your keys."

As Carl followed Cal Bore out of the door, Elvira Smulch asked, "Where is that Cal Bore fellow from anyway? He isn't dressed very warmly."

"I think he's from down south somewhere," said Ethel Rumor. "Maybe Toledo."

The gathering broke up shortly afterward. Clive Jackpine went over to the service station and told Cal Bore he could stay in one of his summer cabins on the lake until the roads were cleared, for a slight fee of course.

Cal Bore made the best of trying to sleep through the night in the un-insulated lake cabin but it was difficult for him. He got up every half an hour or so to stuff wadded up newspaper into one of the many draft sources where the caulking had come loose between the logs that formed the walls of the cabin. It has been said that it was during this long, cold night that he began rethinking his global warming hypothesis.